Say what you want about Rodman,
but he's the only reason I ever watched basketball.

We are ruining the planet?

Hillary Clinton,
I like your smile,
and you are definitely qualified to be
President of the United States.

If you say half a word and stop,
this is because you realized you shouldn't say the whole word.

So,
are you sure you want to double down
on deregulation?

I saw gas brake the five dollar mark
under the last administration.

I can eat 9 rib eye steaks per month
with the money I saved canceling my TV cable.

I've seen the Singing Toothbrush can I
get the singing toilet paper dispenser?

In the future when we have quantum computing
we will send our files to the Pin Head.

Eddie Haskell

Each of you will purchase 183 vouchers per year
at $3.50 per voucher.
Each voucher will be good for one bowel movement.
If you run out of vouchers before the end of the year
you will have to purchase more from someone
who has a surplus.
This system will cut down on waste and help save
the planet.
The system will be called "Crap and trade".

Each person will be fitted with a
icrap transmitter which will send data
to the pin head for analysis.
This will prevent crap dodgers.

To cut down on green house gases,
stand by for the ifart update and
"fart and trade".

Today's republican idea was to raise taxes
on poor people by removing some tax deductions.

What would happen if you fell into a large black hole?
First you would accelerate to the speed of the bananas
that fell in with you.
This would cause time to slow down.
The immense gravity of the black hole would also cause
time to slow down.
These two phenomenon would combine and time would reverse.
You would then find yourself 20 years younger standing
on a beach on Earth talking to a young wordsmith.

Daddy fired Mommy and had to give her
half the company.